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Feature May 2011

May 31st, 2011 · No Comments · Featured Musings, Home

The Test of Love

Three trials endure the heart to be moved and from that place the test of love can be experienced and integrity seen as true. What are these tests? These trials can be experienced in any order and they are:

The trial of facing challenges together. The trial of acceptance. And the trial of joy.

No matter which test a relationship begins with, it is important that all three trials are experienced as the foundation of true love. The question of integrity is presented at each trial to reveal the truth of the relationship’s strength. Some relationships begin with facing challenges, while others begin with the connection of joy or even acceptance and friendship. However the relationship begins, the growth cycle of the relationship will eventually move through each of these trials. Some relationships only move through one cycle however short or long that cycle is lived to reveal a new cycle. When that new cycle begins, a choice to continue in that cycle is presented to both individuals. Sometimes the relationship ends, sometimes it is possible to make a commitment to each other to grow into that next phase. Sometimes the pressures of that next phase show the importance of separating and honoring each other in the need for individual growth and soul evolution. What determines the type of connection you have with another is predicated on your own requirements for your own joy. As a woman, your joy is paramount to your spirit’s health and the health of the world. (See the book “The Feminine Light” for more information as well as the questions regarding your Joy in the  Feature April, 2011 as well as the Feature November, 2009 for turning darkness into light.) Some relationships are only meant to be experienced to help you live through a certain cycle and others are more enduring. The type of relationship to be experienced is the type of relationship that speaks to your soul. What your soul requires is the unfolding of your own growth and how you experience the relationships in your life mirrors the journey of your soul. For some people, growth requires transitions in relationships, for others a long lasting commitment can be made based upon the recognition of love. What type of relationship does your soul require? How can you recognize a deeper love? The three trials of love can help you to access the relationship you are in as well as honor who you are in that relationship.

The trial of facing challenges together is a challenge when faced is the strongest connection in a relationship, keeping each other safe. The challenges that bind people together have the ability to reveal a supportive love that is immense. Whatever the challenge whether financial, physical, emotional, social, spiritual or mental, or many times all together, this challenge is a recognition of the strength and durability of the relationship.

What challenges has your relationship faced?

How has your relationship dealt with these challenges?

What was your contribution?

What was your partner’s contribution?

How has your relationship come out on the other side of the challenges?

How do you love one another?


The trial of acceptance reveals the true nature of one another’s sense of humanity. This trial teaches about the excesses of pride and our ability to be self-accepting as men and women. Often times, this trial is the most revealing in terms of one’s true nature as the excesses of pride can threaten the very existence of a relationship, one to be built upon mutual love and respect. Sometimes it is necessary for one’s soul growth to rightly claim one’s pride. To be able to build one’s self-esteem is congruent with the importance with the unfolding of life. At this time, a relationship can undergo many hardships as each other cries for growth. Sometimes, it is only one person in the relationship that experiences a need for something more. How you are during this cycle of acceptance allows you to understand the need for your own self-love. This challenge is a recognition of mutual respect and value as human beings no matter who you are in your essential selves as well as man and woman.

Do you accept and respect yourself as a woman?

Do you accept and respect the man in your life?

Do you experience respect as a woman in your relationship?

How does he show you that he loves and values you?

Can you give yourself permission to grow, evolve and change?

How can you allow the other to grow without feeling threatened?

What is it about your relationship that enables you to make a commitment to one another’s growth?

Can you remain together at this time or do you feel the need to separate?

How can you honor each other during this cycle of a relationship?

How do each of you show appreciation of one another’s value?

Is that working?

How can it be better for both of you?

What does that tell you about your relationship?


The trial of joy can be the most fun, but as well potentially the most damaging. It is easy to become a “victim” of the innocence of joy. The soul is attracted to joy, to the experience of pleasure and the illusion of fulfillment. For in this cycle, the challenge must be made conscious if the relationship is to survive. To understand the nature of a relationship requires a unique blend of both feeling and thoughtfulness. Feeling is a result of the type of connection experienced between people and thoughtfulness is the explicit awareness of the types of exchange of love. It is here that true fulfillment or the illusion of fulfillment becomes apparent. Any fall from joy or a sense of fulfillment or the recognition of worth, from whatever heights, is the loss of love and as such effects for both women and men. For some this can be devastating, while for others the effects are experienced more casually. The determining factor for how these effects will be experienced, is not only the depth of connection toward one another, but as well the investment toward fulfillment each other has for the other. With the loss of joy often times equating to the loss of love, managing well in this cycle requires the recognition of joy as paramount for the relationship to survive. Joy can be seen in any number of ways, for men it is often times the need to be sexual to maintain a connection to the source of the woman through play and sexual activities. And as well, activities that allow him to relax and have fun. For the woman, joy is often the experience of moving toward her own self-fulfillment. In receiving support toward her fulfillment, her own sense of value, she can experience joy. This is why it is key to “know thyself”. Without a conscious understanding of how you want to be fulfilled through the relationship, unconsciousness is the creation of  illusion, the very hotbed of  broken dreams and a sense of being “victimized”. On the other hand, promises made clearly with integrity once acted upon from a place of consciousness create a space for the the relationship to flourish in joy. This challenge is a recognition of depth and desire.

What is your joy, your sense of fulfillment?

What joy brings you together?

What joy is felt to be missing?

What do you receive for the expression of your joy?

What brings out your joy?

Can you let the man experience his joy without recrimination?

Do you support a man’s joy?

Do you feel your joy is gratifying?

If not, what do you feel you need to feel more gratified?

Is this missing sense of gratification due to your own lack of self-awareness or is it because you are not receiving something?

What do you need to be more aware of for yourself or what do you need to receive?

How will claiming your joy affect your relationship?

What pros and cons must you weigh in order to claim your joy?

What type of joy is your highest priority?

What structure defines and contains safely your relationship of joy?

Is it working for both of you?


Relationships to be healthy must be built upon trust, yet, innocence is not an excuse for the absence of wisdom except in our youth. Innocence may be the basis behind an emotional connection and better yet if it is, however, the exchange of energies and love between a man and woman is best structured whether in a marriage, an arrangement, an offering through courtship or even simply respect at work. A sense of “victimization” takes place when one or the other feels somehow short-changed in the relationship. The value first given and wanted is no longer appreciated. That does not mean the value is not there, but solely that either person is no longer satisfied with what is and wants more. Sometimes a relationship is meant to experience and appreciate all the three trials of love through their lives together, while at other times a relationship is only meant to live in love for the duration of the test. How is trust built in a relationship particularly when the integrity of the person or situation is questionable, yet we are called to live in that relationship? Trust is built by honoring ourselves with integrity and by becoming conscious of the choices we have made whether for better or worse in the realizations of our own illusions and falls from love or in the fulfillment of ourselves. What does your man give to you and want to give to you? Is that fulfilling? Trust in the relationship is built in time and through the three trials of love. The test of love… knowing thyself, one’s value and sharing yourself, your love, with others who appreciate the value of who you are, your love and joy.

May all your lessons in self-knowledge keep you safe and happy in the unfolding of your life and love…




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